As I was dropping our youngest, Camryn 9, off she was visibly upset. You see, Camryn misses Mommy (my beautiful wife Nicki). Nicki used to work at Camryn's school until a few weeks ago. She was always there if Camryn needed her. Camryn has struggled with this.
She has begged and pleaded to just stay home or for us to come pick her up early, and while my heart wants to do those things I know that is not what she needs. We were sitting in the car pool line and she was pleading with me, I could see her red face in the mirror and I wanted to just be able to hold her and make everything ok. But I couldn't. She was in the very back of the van and I, of course was driving. We pulled up to the drop off point and Camryn unbuckled came up front and gave me a hug and a kiss and said "I love you, Daddy" and the bravely climbed out of the van. The whole while her face becoming redder, her eyes more teary. As she was sliding the door closed, she said again with almost the sound of hope, despair and one last effort, "I love you, Daddy".
She feels sad and alone at that school and every fiber in me wants to comfort and care for her and hold her and keep her from experiencing this pain, but I know that is not what she needs.
She reminded me on the way that "Mommy usually prays with us on the way to school". And so we prayed. We prayed for God forgive us of our sins, to be with us, to bless us and for us to have an awesome day. And I know that He will be with us. But it doesn't always feel that way.
When the hurt and pain and loneliness of bleak situations come, sometimes as Christians we forget that God is with us. I mean look at scripture and the countless times we are told that He is with us even unto the ends of the earth, and "lo I am with you always", and it's good that He should go away because He sent the Comforter, the Holy Spirit to live inside us. And the many more examples. Wouldn't it be great if Jesus would just come hang out with us and be here physically to hold us and comfort us and make everything ok whenever we have trials and struggles? But that's not what we need. We do need to have our dependency in Christ. To draw our strength from Him through the situation, because while just fixing it would be easier, the easy way does not always produce in us what God wants to produce.
Remember His goal and His will for our lives is transformation,
and even though I hate to say it and I hate to seemingly belittle our circumstances down to this, but you don't get a diamond from coal or a butterfly from a caterpillar without some darkness and pressure.
So back to Camryn. So as the van door is shutting, seemingly crushing my heart in the process, and all I want to do is hold my little girl, God does and reveals a miraculous thing to me. And I know He is showing Camryn too. Camryn hasn't taken three steps when a teacher sees her and just grabs her and hugs her and as I was hurried through the carpool exit, through tears in my eyes I saw that teacher holding Camryn and comforting her until they were out of my rear view.
I don't know what that lady's relationship is with Christ. But I do know that God used her to show Camryn His love and strength and comfort. He also used her to show me that that is what Camryn needed. That is what we need. We need to be able to recognize Him in His movements. Jesus said that His sheep know His voice and I heard it loud and clear this morning through that image in my rear view mirror.
People, God is with us. He is all around us. He is always at his work creating beauty from ashes, order from disorder, making a way where there seems to be none. (check out Isaiah 40:26-31) Saving, loving, forgiving, comforting. He is there in the plea of a child, in the prayer of a parent, in an unexpected embrace, providing strength and love and grace for the moment.
Just what we need, if we will accept it.
It's strange, but sitting here typing this, I am overwhelmed with awareness of His presence and comfort and hope and grace. I recognize it. I accept it. I am thankful for the unexpected embrace that came from letting go and watching God holding on through the view in my rear view mirror.
